That on Top and This on Bottom! By Akram Osman Translated from Dari by Farhad Azad Oct-Dec 1998 Lemar-Aftaab Baba Alem, the cook, had a twenty year old son, Sher Alem, who was lonely and without a wife. Baba Alem wanted to marry him off, but did not have a place for the wedding. The lord of the house, Showkat Khan, a tricky and sly man who had heard of Baba Alem's difficulty from his wife, said to her, "Baba Alem has been an old servant of ours, he could have his son's wedding here but..." Shah Koko, a quarrelsome, shrewd, stubborn, mean, revengeful, problem giving woman, who always hissed at her husband and did so now, said, "Oh man, where has your mind gone to? Are you Mullah Nasrideen? Are you going to throw away your money and let forty dirty, raggedy people come to my house?!" Showkat Khan laughed and said, "The cost is on Baba Alem, the party is on us!" Shah Koko asked, "How?" Showkat Khan answered, "This has two goods, one we get the prayers of Baba Alem, secondly there is going to be a party and we will be ahead of expenses for one night." The woman's eyes sparked, with a brief thought, she said, "You are right, the fruits and the blessings!" On Thursday night, the wedding was held at Showkat Khan's house. Baba Alem's guests were half city folk and half village folk with assorted clothes. They sat on the floor straight and crooked at the end of the salon. Showkat Khan's guests sat on couches and chairs on the higher end of the salon. Baba Alem was in the kitchen busy cooking and his wife with her dirty "chador," ran around getting the bread and preparing the dinner cloth. In the noisy salon, the singer, wearing thick, red, lipstick sang with an uncertain voice. Baba Alem's guests took turns dancing in the center of the salon and singing freely. With sinister thoughts, Showkat Khan called out, "Oh, where is Baba Alem? Hurry, call Baba Alem! He has to take the hand of the bride!" Everyone looked around, but Baba Alem was not there. Shah Koko answered, "Baba Alem is in the kitchen, hurry call him!" Three or four people went after him. Baba Alem, oily and dirty from cooking, with his pants rolled up and with a smile, came out and asked, "Hey, the food is going to burn, who called me?" Shah Koko, answered with laughter, "Damn you, stay and take the bride's hand!" As soon as the eyes of the guests fell on Baba Alem's face, a volley of laugher exploded from the guests. One of the more polite guests who felt sympathetic, called, "Let him put on his clothes. Cook go change your clothes!" Baba Alem laughed and pretended not to hear the guest. The guest said, "What are you laughing at? It is going to be late!" Baba Alem did not move from his place and it showed that he didn't have any other clothes. At this time, the bride and groom walked into the salon to the music of Ahesta Beroo with the rest of the family alongside them. Showkat Khan stared insolently at them as Baba Alem, weeping in his tattered clothes, went and took the arm of the bride. Showkat Khan, intent on making a public show of his "affections", "compassion", "manners", and "feelings" for his hard, old worker, took the groom's arm. The bride and groom slowly made their way to the sound of spirited music, singing, and the everyone's clapping. With this going on, Baba Alem wanted to head back to the kitchen, but Showkat Khan, who had become aroused with the excitement, pushed Baba Alem onto the center of the salon and spoke, "Clap, everyone, for Baba Alem is going to dance!" Everyone, laughing with ridicule and clapping, shouted, "Haawaa" and "Waa Waa". Baba Alem, who had never danced in his life, was encouraged by the crowd but was left in the center of the salon, not knowing what to do. From every corner he could hear the voices of the guests calling out: "Dance, dance!" With no way out, being forced to dance, he truly felt humiliated. Sweat trickled from his unwashed face, chin, forehead, eyebrows, beard and mustache. With the music playing, he danced and swirled like a court jester. He danced with his shabby rolled-up pants and his old socks that had holes, making the dust from the carpet fly into the air. Showkat Khan called out, "Well done!" The sons of Showkat Khan and his guest on the upper half of the salon clapped and laughed louder and louder making Baba Alem dizzier. Baba Alem made another spin and his fear of being there went away. The sound of the percussion went higher. Baba Alem saw his son Sher Alem and went towards his guests and made another turn and danced more, something Showkat Khan's guests did not expect. Baba Alem's dance lasted only a few minutes until the thick cigarette smoke got to his nose giving him a hard time breathing. His weakness showed on his face and with each step he felt more out of control. Like a drunkard, not knowing where he is going, he staggered on in the center of the salon, with the guests , the chairs and couches, the music, and the rest spinning on top of his head. He fell into a shiver and his face turned pale. Shah Koko slowly said to Showkat Khan, "He has gotten dizzy. This is enough, his asthma might start again." Showkat Khan, the creator of this show and busy watching it, answered, "Didn't I tell you that we are going to have a good time? He is okay, he is not going to fall." But Baba Alem vomited, making his clothes wet. He then fell onto an expensive glass table and the best crystal vase that Showkat Khan had bought for 4,500 Afghanis. The second that Shah Koko heard the crash, she screamed and hit her hands on her head. Showkat Khan fell into shock. The singer got up and picked up the broken vase. Shah Koko, with tears running in her eyes howled and yelled, "Showkat Khan may God get you! Get lost! I don't want to see your face! Look at the result of mischief!" Showkat Khan's guest held their noses for the ill, smell of the vomit had gotten everywhere. Showkat Khan's mother-in-law, a very wretched woman, said to her daughter in a heartless manner, "That damn old man has shamed himself and us too." Then Shah Koko grinding her teeth and in a bad-tempered voice said, "Oh you stupid fool, didn't I tell you that he was going to fall! What am I to do now that my beautiful table and vase is gone and who is going to clean the carpet? Who is going to clean up this mess?" Showkat Khan, humiliated, answered, "You are right, you are right, damn him and his family. It is my fault that I let these dogs into my house." Shah Koko, with eyes full of hatred, yelled, "Good then, don't wait. Tell them to get lost, tell them!" Showkat Khan, always fearing his wife wanted to find a hole to hide in. He jumped up like a furious tiger and with full force, kicked Baba Alem in the stomach. Showkat Khan's sons took Baba Alem and dragged him with his feet and hands and threw him onto the threshold. Then, Showkat Khan went to Sher Alem and said, "Now get up and leave, get lost with your ugly wife. This is not your place, get out!" Slowly, Baba Alem's guests made their way out and were left in the street. Sher Alem's face had turned pale. He whispered to his bride, "This is my father's fault. He went over his boundaries. Look at us and look at them. Where are we and where are they? Where are we and where are they with their chairs and couches? Lets go." In the hallway, Showkat Khan and Shah Koko yelled and cursed while their guests went to another room. Baba Alem opened his helpless eyes. He was left on the floor by the door. He threw himself onto Showkat Khan's feet and said, "Dear Sir, I have done bad, please forgive me. I will pay for the expenses. Take it out of my salary so that you can buy another table and vase, I will clean up the house, I will wash the carpet." With a smirk, Showkat Khan answered, "You brainless, stupid man, do you know that the table and vase is 10,000 Afghanis!" Baba Alem was silent. Showkat Khan yelled, "What are you going to do?" Baba Alem answered, "Sir, I swear to God that I will work, work for free!" From then on, for twenty months, Baba Alem worked without pay until the debt was paid. Copyright © 1998 Aftaabzad Publications. All Rights Reserved. May not be duplicated or distributed in any form without permission.