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Culture, Family, School,:
Where Does East Meets West?
An Educational Model
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By Dr. Amin Azimi
Oct.-Dec.. 1998
Lemar-Aftaab
Everyone begins acquiring their culture immediately after birth from the
elders in whose presence they grow up. We don't create our own
culture; rather we are socialized into it.
In the Afghan culture children are expected to be obedient toward their parents.
Sometimes there is even an order of authority among the children
themselves, with younger children being expected to yield to older ones.
Independent behavior on the part of a child is not encouraged.
Respect for parents and other elders is seen as a basic virtue; children see
others showing such respect, and soon acquire it themselves. There is
often considerable warmth and care in the way parents and older children
treat the younger ones, especially when they are very small. But they are
looked after and consequently, they are not expected to experiment for themselves.
Respect for parents and older relatives lasts through
adulthood; parental authority continues to play a role in the child's
life as long as the parents are alive. Parents and grandparents are
treated with formal deference even after their children have actually
taken control of their own lives. There is an established pattern of
dependence for the child to seek advice and permission from parents when
major issues confront their life, no matter what age the child has
reached or what level of maturity.
In school, the children further develop their mental programming.
Teachers and classmates instill additional values, as they, too, are part
of a culture that honors those values. In Afghan culture, the parent
child inequality is perpetuated by a teacher/ student inequality which
caters to the need for dependence already well established in the
student's mind. Teachers are treated with respect; students may have to
stand up when they enter. The educational process is teacher-centered;
teachers outline the intellectual paths to be followed. In the classroom
there is supposed to be a strict order with the teacher initiating all
communication. Students in class speak up only when invited to;
teachers are never publicly contradicted or criticized and are treated
with deference even outside school. When a child misbehaves, the teacher
involves the parents and expects them to help with getting the child in
order. The educational system is highly personalized. Especially in the
more advanced subjects at universities what is transferred is not seen
as an impersonal 'truth' but as the personal wisdom of the teacher.
In American culture, children are more or less treated as equals as soon
as they are able to act, and this may already be visible in the way a baby
is handled. The goal of parental education is to let children take
control of their own affairs as soon as they can. Active experimentation
by the child is encouraged; a child is allowed to contradict its parents,
it learns to say 'no' very early. Relationships with others are not
dependent on the status of the others; formal respect and deference are
shown less than expected. Family relations often strike people from other
cultures as cold and distant, and lacking intensity. When children grow
up they replace the child- parents relationship with one of equals, and
there is no question that a grownup person would ask his/her parents'
permission or even advice for an important decision. There is an ideal of
personal independence in the family. A need for independence is supposed
to be a major component of the American lifestyle.
Here in the U.S. teachers are supposed to treat the students as basic
equals and are expected to be treated as equals by the students. Younger
teachers are more equals, and therefore usually more liked than the older
ones. The educational process is student-centered, with a premium on
student initiative; students are expected to find their own intellectual
paths. Students may make uninvited interventions in class; they are
supposed to ask questions when they do not understand something. They
argue with teachers, express disagreement and criticism in front of the
teachers, and show no particular deference to teachers outside school.
When a child misbehaves, parents often side with the child against the
teacher. The educational process is rather impersonal: what is
transferred comprises 'truth' or 'facts' which exist independently of the
particular teacher. Effective learning in such a system depends very much
on whether the supposed two-way communication between students and teacher
is indeed, established. The entire system is based on the student's
well-developed need for independence; the quality of learning is to a
considerable extent determined by the excellence of the student.
In Afghan culture, corporal punishment at school, at least for children
of pre-puberty age is much more acceptable. It accentuates and
symbolizes the inequality between teacher and student and is often
considered good for the development of the child's character. In the
U.S. this would readily be classified as child abuse and might be a
reason for parents to complain to the police. Basic cultural
characteristics of Afghans are respect for authority, traditionalism,
integrity and enjoyment of life. There is a sense of mistrust in
interpersonal relationships. Individuals must always be on guard to
protect themselves. Trusting relationships exist mainly with family
members and life-long friends. Hospitality is a deep routed value in the
Afghan culture and guests are treated with unusual courtesy and
generosity. Friendships begin in school and are close and intimate.
Friends remain loyal and have a high expectations of each other. They
show and express emotion easily. Kissing and hugging as a way of greeting
are common both between men and between women, but are less socially
acceptable between a man and a woman.
American culture is future oriented in regard to time, while the Afghan
culture view of life is oriented to the present. One basic value of
Afghan culture is the belief that this world and its material belongings
are not worthwhile. The family is the basic significant element of
Afghan culture. The individual's total life is dominated by the family
relationships. Respect for the parents, extended family and elders is a
important value in the Afghan society. Parents gain more respect and
power as they get older. In their older age, parents may retain their own
residence and be looked after by their children or they may live with one of them.
There are no good or bad cultures. Every culture has its uniqueness. Our
basic beliefs, and values are transmitted by the culture of origin.
The mode of adoption to the American culture among Afghans follows:
Some Afghan families sever the old ties, avoid Afghans and denounce the
old traditions and beliefs. This amounts to an effort to deny their
culture of origin by adopting the external features of a stereotypical
American.(refer to previous article,"Ethnicity: The Foundations of
Identity" relative to this issue.)
Some Afghan families turn inward, associating only with Afghans and
attempting to reproduce a microculture similar to the one in the home
country. They eat the same foods, follow
the same traditions, and criticize the Western cultures and belief
systems. However, the children in these families, due to contact with
the outside world through schools and friends, become acculturated, and
conflicts frequently develop.
In general, the mode of adaptation to this culture among Afghans vacillates between
acculturation and holding on to the culture of origin. However, most Afghans preserve aspects of
their culture no matter how Westernized they become in appearance, mode of thinking, behavior, and language.
Biculturation is the best mode of adaptation. The most sensible way for
an Afghan living in the American culture is to bring the two cultures
together and tolerate the conflict and anxiety of crossing the cultural
boundaries. Important attachments to the culture of origin are maintained
along with a productive assimilation of the America culture. The old way
is not totally abandoned; rather, the individual attempts to blend the
best of two worlds and incorporate, and integrate the two cultures
without disrupting their basic sense of identity.
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Dr. Amin Azimi is a licensed psychologist and
licensed marriage and family therapist in Nashville, Tennessee.
For sugguestion and comments, please e-mail at
kabul@bellsouth.net
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Copyright © 1998 Aftaabzad Publications. All Rights Reserved.
May not
be duplicated or distributed in any form without permission.
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