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Family, Culture, and
the Generation
Gap:
A Communication Model
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By Dr. Amin Azimi
July-Sept. 1998
Lemar-Aftaab
Generation gap is not a new phenomenon; rather it has been
in existence throughout time.
The meaning of generation gap certainly has a different twist when one
examines the lifestyle of refugee and immigrant families. Unfortunately,
there is no research on lifestyle or impact of migration since the Afghans
made their journey to the U.S. This article is not solely a reflection of Afghan
families in their new culture, but rather reflects some of the problems refugees and immigrants
encounter living in the new environment.
When a family immigrates to a new place where
the socio-cultural system differs significantly from the one
they are leaving behind, they not only need to adjust to
the new environment in terms of residence, occupation,
financial resources, and social networking, but also to
the new way of thinking. In this instance, the family
pattern is rapidly undergoing change. The different
pace at which members of the family adjust to the new
cultural system can seriously affect roles and hierarchy
within the family. For example: when the children
learn the new language quickly and forget their native
language, while their middle-aged parents are slow to learn
the language; this creates a situation where the parents
have to depend on their children for interpretation in many
social functions. This, unfortunately, reverses the role
and status of the parents and children. In addition to
the different value systems the younger people begin to
adopt, serious communication problems between the
generations develop due to language barriers.
Both the parents and children find it difficult and frustrating
to be unable to communicate adequately in either language. Due
to their life backgrounds and experiences, parents and their children
commonly have different value systems and different perspectives.
The children often complain that their parents are stubborn and
outdated, while the parents are uncomfortable seeing their children
behaving untraditionally. This causes mutual distress and tension.
It is not merely the difference in value systems, but the uncertainty
and confusion usually weaken the parental authority and make the s
ituation worse. If a basic emotional bond together with fluent and adequate
communication do not exist between parents and children, tension and conflict will arise in the relationship.
When the socio-cultural system of a group has been rapidly
destroyed, families within that system will suffer from loss of
their cultural roots, resulting in deterioration of the family as whole.
This is usually manifested by parents losing their cultural methods
for organizing the family and subsequently experiencing confusion
over how to perform properly their parental function. The children,
meanwhile, often dissociate themselves from their parents, both
cognitively, and emotionally and become unsure of
their identity and direction in life. Such families have
not only lost their identity, but have also lost their
cultural goals for functioning.
The structure of the family is an important
factor in its adaptation to the new culture. Severe crises
frequently resulting from the lack of resolution of traditions
may produce a successful negotiation of developmental stages
of the family growth in the new culture.
When the stresses are high and the support systems of the
family are insufficient, the family may become isolated,
enmeshed, or disengaged; especially when family members
adjust to the new culture at different rates, then conflict
may occur in the family.
Language limitation, unfamiliarity with the
religions, values, beliefs or lifestyle of a new culture
increase the risk of isolation in family members.
This is most prominent in the older generation. They
often worry and wonder about the outside influence
and activity of their children or grandchildren.
They experience constant fear from the threat of the
new culture. The family that continues to impose
strict traditional values on its members and retains
its religion and language is forced to strengthen
family bonds in an attempt to cope with the
unprecedented stress confronting it.
If problems arise, the family is not in a position
to make use of the helping facilities of its new
community, nor it is able to adopt the new culture.
In the case of family members who no longer
accept the family's values, and lifestyle , the family
becomes vulnerable and immobile which precipitates
the loosening of boundaries to the point of
disengagement and the ultimate vulnerability
of all its members.
Afghans have a strong sense of
individuality, which has historically ensured
their self-preservation. This is most evident
in the diversity of their opinion, and their
behavior. Afghans traditionally live within
nuclear and extended families, and loyalty
to the family has been a basic value. They
have been forced to flee their homeland,
but many hope to return to it someday.
The entry to this culture has occurred
under traumatic conditions, and at times,
has been marked by disappointment, failure,
and hopelessness. There is no sorrow above the
loss of the homeland,
and constant grieving is the silent voice of our parents.
Being away from the homeland, no resolution to the
conflict, and worrying over the situation create, pain
and sorrow which has resulted in sudden death or
has manifested physical problems that are rooted in the
psychological difficulties they have been experiencing.
They have constant worry about their extended families
back home or the ones living in another foreign land.
All of these factors contribute to the determination to
resist becoming acculturated. The children's ability
to cope with their new environment depends considerably
on the parents' ability to cope with their own conflicting
loyalties, anxiety, and worry. They may feel unaccepted,
shy, may avoid peer relationships, or may develop school
problems. They may also delay learning the new language,
which makes any change more difficult.
Given the regional and ethnic diversity among
Afghans, it is unlikely one could construct a single profile
with universal applicability to their adjustment. In general,
uncertainty accompanies feelings of alienation, frustration,
and depression while they are attempting to adjust to the new
culture. They view their future with uncertainty as they have
lost their social position and power; many cannot even practice
their professions. They often have such a strong tie to their
homeland that they are reluctant to settle in the new environment.
Consequently, Afghans have a high rate of incidence of
symptomatology and problem in adjusting.
I have given a brief overview of the difficulties faced by the
Afghans who have been forced to flee their
homeland and their difficulty adjusting in this
journey. It is common for certain differences
in viewpoint and opinion
between parents and children to be brought
about by age and the different environments
in which each generation has grown up. The
younger generation may not have the same experiences
and feelings their parents have. Therefore, understanding
and empathizing with parents is essential to
understanding and resolving the conflicts.
Communication is essential and promotes
understanding between generations so they
can become aware of the nature and source
of their cultural difficulties. The family can
seek a compromise and solution for both
generations and recognize the value of this
being acceptable to all, and thereby place
the ultimate emphasis on mutual understanding
and respect. The new generation bears
responsibility and should help by encouraging
their parents to ventilate their feelings and
concerns, by listening to them with empathy
and compassion, and by conveying an
appreciation for their courage, their sacrifice,
and their loyalty. Active listening is an art.
Showing sincerity to the older generation
makes them appreciate the honesty, warmth
and understanding of the new generation.
Thus the older generation can begin to feel
less fearful in their new environment.
Dr. Amin Azimi is a licensed psychologist and
licensed marriage and family therapist in Nashville, Tennessee.
For sugguestion and comments, please e-mail at
kabul@bellsouth.net
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Copyright © 1998 Aftaabzad Publications. All Rights Reserved.
May not
be duplicated or distributed in any form without permission.
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